skiing!!!

so, i went skiing on valentines day, and it was amazing!!! i started the day off at the top of the hill, totally scared to go down. i was scared of falling and scared of failing...it took me forever just to make it down the first slope. there was so much going through my head, and i just couldn't focus, and it didn't help that my baby sister was staying with me to keep me company, and not really having fun because i was going so slow. i couldn't concentrate on what i was doing because i could feel her watching me, and i didn't want her to see how badly i was doing. after going down the hill twice with her watching me, i decided to send her down with everyone else. it would make so much more sense for her to go with everyone else than to sit and watch me. she is so sweet, and didn't want to leave me. i am so lucky to have a little sister like her! so off she went with the others, and i was free to make mistakes, to take my time, and to not feel guilty that i was keeping anyone else from enjoying themselves...

so, i pulled up my socks and did the only thing that made sense to me...i followed a little girl who was being guided down the hill by her dad! it was brilliant! she was just a beginner (probably about 7 or 8 years old) and he was giving her very direct instructions as she went down the hill, so i just followed and took his advice! that little bit of teaching helped me so much! after that run, when i made it to the bottom without feeling like i lost control at all, it gave me so much confidence! it seemed like something clicked, like a lightbulb was turned on in my head, and that all the sudden i figured it out! on the next trip down the hill i decided to go for broke. what was the point in holding back! there have been too many times in my life that i haven't taken the chance, that i haven't just jumped! i needed to jump, to prove to myself that i could, so i took off down the hill. i took chances that allowed me to discover that i could do more than i allowed myself to do before!!

i will never forget the exhileration of flying down that hill. i felt so free, even though i was completely terrified at the same time! i kept thinking about how i should be standing, knees bent, hands forward, leaning forward in my boots, pressure to the uphill side of my skiis, snowplow, turn, go!!! then, all of the sudden, the tips of my skiis crossed and i flew over them head first! i'm surprised i didn't injure myself. i remember falling, rolling through the snow, and landing face up, looking at the sky. and i laughed! it was so amazing! just another step in knowing that i could let myself go, and know that i could fall, but that i would survive!

i went down a few more times, and by the last time my legs were so tired i knew i couldn't go again. i think that if i tried, my legs would give out on me and i wouldn't have made it safely down the hill. but i was so proud of myself, and where i had gotten to, that i didn't mind stopping early! i went down to the lodge at the bottom of the hill and had a hot chocolate while reading my book. i felt like i had accomplished so much! i am so proud of myself, and i can't wait to go back next weekend!!

okay, not sure what else to say...i still didn't get flowers for valentines day...not impressed but i don't know how to get him to just do it...i don't know why he fights it. i have bluntly said, "get me flowers" and he just can't do it. he is so good to me in every other way, but it is disappointing that he can't do this little thing for me. he got us matching team canada clothes, took me skiing, heats up my heat pack every night...i don't know why i think i need flowers. but it's just the one thing that he can't seem to make himself do. it seems like a little thing, something that he should be able to easily do! it's not like i'm asking for jewlery or a new wardrobe or anything huge...just some pretty little flowers to tell me he loves me. if anyone out there has any advice for me, let me know...

okay, i'm super tired cuz i haven't had a rest in over a week, so i'm going to go watch xena...season 5 here i come!!! maybe i'll even get on the treadmill for a bit so i can stretch out my sore muscles...there are muscles in my bum that are hurting that i didn't even know i had...

later people!